
Poor Iggy. Is he so bent on becoming PM that he's resorting to artificial means to appeal to the younger generation?
Occasional musings about general stuff and my city (the town that fun and common sense forgot).
OK so like today I'm like on the bus and stuff, and like I'm sitting near two pretty young women who are like sitting in the sideways seats?
Like the seats are sideways? On the bus? Like what's up with that?
What happens if the bus like hits a moose or a bear on the transitway?
Sideways whiplash? Like that would hurt right?
And what about the moose and the bear? What if they have little meese or bear scouts or whatever? They'd be like homeless and then the market would have like more homeless people right? And that would be like so wrong?
And that's why I don't vote - because like things never change and like voting at night is a pain because it always happens like during "So You Think You Can Like Dance" or "America's Next Top Model" or "American Idle" (which is way way better than "Canadian Idle" right?).
Canadian shows sooooo like suck and everything right?
But I digest.
Said wimmin were in their early twenties. I've seen them before; they're the cookie cutter junior civil servant type, fresh out of university after a lifetime of schooling and being told they're special and entitled. They were extremely loud and one of them had a laugh like a pile driver hitting solid metal (and I think we all know what that sounds like).
They spoke about every banal subject under the sun, but mostly about their boyfriends. When they did speak about their jobs (very briefly) it was to complain about not being senior enough and there are too many old people who are telling them what to do. Really.
One particularly brilliant exchange (names have been invented to exaggerate their stupidity):
Faleeshah: So like my boyfriend plays baseball.
Tammee: Yeah, he's sooo hot.
Faleeshah: Back off!!! Hahahahaha!
Tammee: No way! Hahahahaha!
Faleeshah: Anyway, so like they had nobody to do the scoring, you know like the guy who stands behind the batter?
Tammee: Oh like the guy who decides if you're in or out?
Faleeshah: Yeah, the guy. The ref or whatever.
Tammee: Yeah, that's the ref.
Faleeshah: So like my boyfriend's really really good but when it was his turn to hit the ball, he must have been distracted by me. So he kept missing, so I called him out.
Tammee: What?!
Faleeshah: I called him out.
Tammee: No way! Really? Why? What did he do?
Faleeshah: He didn't hit the ball, and the other guy threw it too many times so I had to call him out.
Tammee: But what did you call him out for?
Faleeshah: For missing the ball! You have to like tell the guy, like, "You're out!"
Tammee: Why?
Faleeshah: Oh it's like a rule or something. Then they have to like go sit down and have a beer or whatever.
Tammee: Oh! I thought you were calling him out like because he was unfaithful or dissed you. Hahahahaha!
Faleeshah: Shut up! HahahahahahaHAH!
Tammee: No YOU shut up! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
You just can't make this stuff up.
All 40 guards are virgins, and he insists they remain so."
To paraphrase a famous Monty Python sketch (inserted words in italics - my apologies to the parrot):
“This pirate is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the plank 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PIRATE!!”
Good news for the ex-pirates is that Marilyn Chambers has just kicked it as well, so when they all arrive at the Pearly Gates, or the Green Door, whichever the case, maybe she can take their minds off their failed venture? I'm just sayin'...
Anyway, well done US Navy and well done the boat's crew!
Indeed, many happy Ottawans did just that yesterday and today.
I was happily nestled in the back seat of my eastbound OC Hellspo Red Rocket yesterday afternoon, enjoying the sights of the global-warming-produced April snow falling on our fair town. Suddenly I noticed in the oncoming lane the westbound queue of buses that extended at least a mile' There they were, like a parade of environmentally sound elephants (one a double decker!!), stopped bumper to bumper on the Transitway, waiting for someone to allow them to proceed.
According to some reports, waiting for (and in) buses became such an ordeal that people were walking from downtown to Hurdman Station; which is quite the trek, especially with the miserable weather we’ve been having.
A few of the usual grouchy (i.e. people who give a damn) talk show callers were upset last night, complaining that is going to hell in a handcart and nobody is in charge.
And how did our police respond? They pretty much told us that we should be prepared for more of the same today!
And guess what happened sho nuff? We got more of the same today!
Nothing was said about the illegality of bringing traffic to a standstill during rush hour. Just that we have to be patient.
Pray tell,
And life goes on in this sleepy little apathetic (emphasis on the pathetic) village.
Well, our fearless leader is out there again performing his heroics for the benefit - not only of his slopehead Ontario subjects (no offence to slopeheads) - but for the good citizens of Italia as well!
Here’s what the Great One stayed up all night writing then posting on his website:
“Ontarians were saddened to learn of the devastating earthquake in Italy. I spoke today with the Consul General of Italy in Toronto to express our concern and condolences on behalf of all Ontarians.
At this time, our deepest sympathies go out to those who have lost loved ones, and our thoughts and prayers are with those who are worried for the safety of family and friends.
Ontario has deep and enduring ties to Italy and its people. To the many families who have loved ones in this area, we offer our most sincere support to you during this time.
There will be difficult days ahead as rescue workers search for survivors, as communities rebuild and as families re-establish their lives. On behalf of all Ontarians, let us each offer whatever assistance we can to relief agencies and show our support in this time of great need.”
Hey Italy! We got your backs!
I can just picture the Italian Consul General, tears of gratitude streaming down his face, as Dalton consoles him over the phone. Then I can imagine the email from said C-G to Silvio Berlusconi (how many Ontarians even know who he is?), and more tears and hand-gesticulating as they agree that 'Daltonio McGuintio' is a saint of the highest order.
Honestly, is there anyone out there besides me who thinks this guy is a sleazeball of the highest order? I mean really, McGuilty has as much class as Peter Griffin, only Dalton actually takes himself seriously.
If I wasn’t living in Ontario I’d find him amusing. But he’s not. He imposes ruinous economic policies, punitive taxes, breaks promises, allows the health care system to rot, then keeps us peons distracted with his empty initiatives and announcements. This is just another meaningless gesture of his, aimed at taking the focus off his lack of constructive action on the big issues facing this province.
“Canadians can also expect to see more repeats of many prime-time programs, with shorter seasons ordered for ones including:
The CBC will also reduce spending on new children's programming and cancel the Living programs produced in each region.”
This Hour Has 22 Minutes used to be funny, but isn’t anymore. They try too hard and are only Canadian inasmuch as they have that annoying tendency to be anti-American. As for the other shows, time to jag them in lads and laddettes. I don’t know anyone (and I’m a really popular guy/gal) who watches CBC other than for the news or hockey. And speaking of which:
“In CBC Sports, there will be reductions or cutbacks in coverage of:
The CBC will also drop its Blue Jays baseball telecasts.”
So the nations of
Yep, that’ll show us! Keep those cutbacks coming Mother Corp. I’d rather watch Jeopardy anyway.
Oh and BTW, the CBC coverage last night of Earth Hour was hilarious! It was a little embarrassing to watch Ian Hanomansing stumbling about unsuccessfully trying to sell the “world-changing” non-event as if it were New Year’s Eve in
In his National Post column yesterday, Fr Raymond J. de Souza summarized the battle Ezra Levant’s been waging on our behalf for the past two years. It’s a must-read piece, as is Ezra’s just-released book “Shakedown” (apparently my wife is getting it for me as a surprise prezzie!).
Unfortunately, hardly anyone outside those who are well informed – the vast minority of Canadians in my experience – is aware of what’s been going on; even though it’s been increasingly reported in the media of late (thanks again in large part to the good ship Ezra).
In my circle of friends, colleagues and family, about the only people who follow the travesty that is Canada’s “Human Rights” Commissions are my wife and children, a few workmates, and my friends “John”, “John”, “Rusty”, “Willis”, “Papa-Dum” and “Chip”.
To me that’s the most frustrating bit: wilfully ignorant Canadians, who, even if they do grant you a few minutes out of their busy schedules making money to buy stuff and having other people raise their kids, will often accuse you of making this stuff up. And then, even if they do believe you, they’ll retreat into their comfort zone of “keeping it positive” or “what can you do-ism”.
As for Fr. de Souza's HMCS EZRA LEVANT idea, I am all for naming our ships after Canadian figures of worth – real Canadians. Not after rogue PMs like Trudeau; or Canadian “elites” who have received the Hors d’Oeuvres of Canada (Morgentaler and Ahenakew to name but two notables); but brave stalwart people who’ve advanced, at their own risk and expense, important causes for Canadians – in this case freedom of speech.
Ezra Levant (and indeed Mark Steyn) should be lauded everywhere as praiseworthy figures who have had a positive influence on Canadian society, by working tirelessly to save Canada from the disgusting personages and government bodies (our friendly HRCs), who would have us all thrown in jail for speaking our minds.
A ship name is a great place to start!
Oh and BTW, why is the Canadian government (i.e. PARLIAMENT) not doing anything about the “illiberal corruption of our human rights bureaucracy”, as Father de Souza so aptly puts it?
And why is Ezra Levant not being covered by the CBC and other mainstream media like the Globe and Mail and the Toronto Star?
Of course we all know the answer…
Thanks to Dalton McGuinty, we Ontarinos are today benefitting from Family Day, our newest statutory holiday.
While sitting at my office spending time with the photo of my family, I took a moment to reflect upon what Mother McGuinty has done for us besides merely declaring a well-received day off.
When I started thinking about what he has courageously banned (all for our benefit), it became apparent that EVERYTHING he’s done is aimed at making life better for Ontario Families.
Herewith a list of things he’s forbidden in his all-too-so-short tenure as Premier, along with the reason why each measure benefits every family:
Things Banned by Mother Dalton McGuinty
1. Buck a beer. Good for the family because it encourages Dads to drink less.
2. Lawn chemicals. Good for the family because it allows parents to spend less time with their children outdoors playing on dangerous chemical-laced lawns; instead they are all safely inside - as a family - in front of their individual PCs or TVs.
3. Trans fats in schools. Family comes first here, as Trans fats outside the home are much worse than the trans-fats in processed foods that busy on-the-go families are forced to serve their children.
4. Incandescent bulbs. Good for families because bright (incandescent) bulbs discourage blindness. Blindness is a laudable goal, as it forces families to depend on each other, and in an ideal situation, maybe even get a dog!
5. Riding a bike without a helmet. Families will no longer be racked by grief when one of their kids gets killed by a car while not wearing a helmet. Death will be easier accepted because of the knowledge that little Johnny was wearing his CCM special. And closure will come more quickly. Oh, and the family will save money on grief counsellors!
6. Cigarette displays in corner stores. Good for families because it takes away the need for parents to survey their own children, thus helping them to focus on other things like making money (which is good for families).
7. New construction in the so called “green belt” area. Good for families because they can go to the green belt and frolic on days like Family Day (unless they work for the federal government, in which case they deserve not to have time off - the wastrels and lazy oafs/oafettes).
8. Pit bull dogs. Families benefit from this because their own ill-tempered little lapdogs and kids will never be mauled again. With pit bulls gone, there is no more danger whatsoever from any source whatsoever.
9. Plastic bags. Good for families who fear their children may suffocate when they place bags upon their heads. Not so good for those who wish this to happen, but they are in the minority (which is a collateral good for families).
10. Smoking in public places. What family in its right mind wants to smoke in a public place? By promoting clean air in public, evil smokers are kept out of sight and out of mind. At the same time, under-18s are allowed to smoke in designated areas at their school, which promotes mental health and allows teens to keep their entitlements. A very shrewd move by our Mother Dalton.
11. Smoking in cars with kids. Families will live longer thanks to this measure. Whereas before, when all children of smoking parents died very young from their evil parents’ second-hand smoke (yes, ALL of them); now there is no more danger! Children will now be ferried everywhere in a smoke-free environment, with their parents having the extra advantage of a free hand to use the cell phone, read a paper, or apply makeup. It’s a win-win for the whole family!
12. Flavoured cigarillos. Although this may not appear to apply to a family, many are unaware that flavoured cigarillos lead children to become addicted to things that are sweet tasting. This in turn leads to a higher intake of candy (with sugar – bad), pop (again – bad sugar), and other sweets available from irresponsible parents and adults. Now that they can’t become hooked on sweets by tasting cigarillos, kids will be less likely to become obese and develop diabetes. Families are dancing in the streets!
So today on this Family Day, after work, raise a glass with your family in honour of our illustrious leader, Dalton McGuinty, who not only gave us THIS DAY, but has saved us from ourselves by outlawing bad things (with more to come!!).
Remember, without Dalton McGuinty’s bans, our families would all be dead.